Celebutards by Andrea Peyser

Author:Andrea Peyser [Peyser, Andrea]
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: Kensington
Published: 2009-09-22T04:00:00+00:00

* * *

Honestly, just thinking about the man, woman or farm animal with whom Oprah spends her nights leaves me shrugging.

* * *

The spokesmouth for Oprah’s production company, Harpo (Oprah spelled backwards) called this incident her “crash moment.” She meant that Oprah suffered an episode of fierce and unjust racism. But I have another description for the event that badly rattled Oprah’s cage, spurring her to stage a modern-day struggle to protect her civil rights, and those of all insanely rich celebutards. I call it Oprah’s “Do you know who I am?!” moment.

On the evening of June 14, 2005, Oprah and her entourage arrived fifteen minutes past closing time, at the lavishly expensive Hermes boutique in Paris, France, whose signature Birkin handbags start at around $6,000 and rise dizzyingly upward. Staff was in the store, preparing for a public-relations event that night. Oprah wanted inside (to buy a watch for Tina Turner). A clerk told her “Non.”

“Do you know who I am?!” Oprah asked.

Denied! A near international incident occurred, as Oprah suggested that if a white celebrity had stopped by after closing, they’d kiss her behind. “I know the difference between a store that is closed and a store that is closed to me,” said Oprah. Promises were made to TV viewers that Oprah would discuss on her program the awful racism she endured at a boutique whose name many women can’t even pronounce, let alone afford to buy a $320 silk pocket square. Even during regular store hours.

Soon, the Hermes CEO called Oprah’s people to explain, and invited the put-out star to come back and shop. I would venture that Oprah could stop in at midnight today and be kissed up to. She created such a stink, Hermes was bullied into issuing this public apology: “Hermes regrets not having been able to accommodate Ms. Winfrey and her team and to provide her with the service and care that Hermes strives to provide to each and every one of its customers worldwide. Hermes apologizes for any offense taken due to such circumstances.”

The following September, Hermes USA CEO Robert Chavez appeared on Oprah’s show, bowing and scraping and apologizing once again about “rude” treatment by an employee. We should all endure such crash moments.

The introduction of Oprah’s Book Club—which has done more than anything since the publication of the Bible to sell paper and ink—leaves me with mixed feelings. On the one hand, I appreciate that someone, particularly a major cultural force, encourages people to shut off the tube, pick up book, and read. On the other, I wonder about the whims and politics of being selected for plugging on Oprah’s show. The appearance of one’s book on the program routinely means a million additional sales and instant inclusion on best-seller lists. This process has even given rise to a scientific phenomenon—The Oprah Effect.

James Frey had no idea what he was getting into when his book, A Million Little Pieces was pushed by Oprah, causing it to rocket to the top of Amazon.

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